Who Really Gets to Decide What is a Safe Space?
If you've ever attended a workshop, team meeting, or coaching session, you've probably heard the phrase: "This is a safe space." It's rolled out with the best intentions by facilitators, coaches, and managers alike. The intention is meant to encourage honesty, vulnerability, and sharing. Yet, there is a catch: declaring a space 'safe' doesn't make it so. And more importantly, it's not our call to make.
The idea behind a safe space is sound. People often hold back out of fear (of judgement, of ridicule, of getting it wrong), so creating room for openness is vital. And safety isn't something you can declare into existence. It's something people feel, or don't, based on their own experiences, histories, and instincts.
Too often, the phrase becomes a box-ticking exercise, a well-meaning script rather than a genuine offer. When a manager or facilitator says, "This is a safe space," it can have the opposite effect. It can come across as presumptuous, especially if the group includes people who don't share the same privileges or backgrounds as the person making the statement.
The psychology of safety
Psychological safety, a term popularised by Amy Edmondson's research, refers to the belief that one won't be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes. Google's Project Aristotle study found it to be the single most important factor in team effectiveness. And yet, what the research also shows is that psychological safety is earned through consistent behaviour, rather than an announcement through words.
When we examine this more closely, we find that what feels safe to one person might feel exposing to another. Our past experiences shape what we need in order to take risks. For someone who has experienced discrimination or trauma, the presence of certain dynamics (power differentials, majority-minority group compositions, or even tone of voice) can trigger an immediate sense of danger, regardless of stated intentions.
What can we do?
Rather than declaring safety, we can work to co-create the conditions where it might emerge. Here are some approaches that acknowledge the complexity:
Be transparent about what you can and cannot control. You might say: "I'm hoping we can create space where people feel comfortable enough to share openly. I am unable to control how everyone experiences this room, and here's what I'm committing to do..." Then be specific about our actions.
Invite people to co-shape the ‘container’ (shared space). Ask questions like: "What would help you feel more comfortable when participating today?" or "What ground rules would support you in this conversation?" This acknowledges that safety is co-created, not imposed.
Recognise our own position and limitations. If we hold positional power, if we're in the majority in terms of identity, or if we're the one setting the agenda, acknowledge it. You might say: "I'm aware I'm the manager here, and that might affect what feels possible to say. I'm genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives, and I'm working on being someone who responds well to challenge."
Model the behaviour you're hoping to see. Rather than announcing vulnerability is welcome, demonstrate it. Share your own uncertainties, admit when you don't know something, or name when something feels difficult for you. This gives others permission to do the same.
Create multiple avenues for participation. Some people will never feel comfortable enough speaking in a large group, regardless of how "safe" it's declared to be. Offer alternatives: small group discussions, written reflections, one-to-one conversations, or anonymous feedback channels. Safety looks different for different people.
Be prepared to act on what you hear. If someone takes a risk by sharing something difficult and they're met with defensiveness, dismissiveness, or inaction, you've demonstrated that the space isn't actually safe. How you respond to discomfort is the real test.
The ongoing work
Safety is earned, not announced. It's built through consistency, trust, and a willingness to listen, especially when feedback is uncomfortable. As facilitators, coaches, or managers, I believe that our job is to create the conditions where people might choose to feel safe. And remember, the decision isn't ours. It belongs to each individual in the room.
Perhaps the most honest approach is to name this reality: "I'm hoping to create conditions where people feel able to share openly. Whether this feels safe enough for you will be your decision, and I respect that. What I can commit to is..." And then follow through on those commitments, every. single. time.
This connects deeply to the work of building high-performing teams. As explored in my writing on team dynamics, trust is foundational. And trust isn't given freely; it's built through repeated actions that demonstrate reliability, respect, and care. The same applies to safety in coaching and facilitation spaces.
A question worth sitting with
Next time you're tempted to use the phrase, pause. Instead, ask: "What do you need from me and from this group to feel comfortable participating today?" Then, listen. And act on what you hear.
The real work isn't in announcing safety. It's in doing the patient, consistent work of building the relationships and practices that might, over time, allow people to take the risk of being open and honest.
After all, Carl Rogers, whose person-centred approach underpins much of coaching practice, emphasised that empathy involves understanding another person's experience from their frame of reference, rather than our own. The same principle applies to safety. We can offer our intentions and our commitments, and it is others who can tell us whether what we've created actually feels safe enough.
And that, uncomfortable as it might be, is exactly as it should be.
About Amanda
Amanda Livermore is the founder of LORE Consultancy Ltd and a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF). With over 20 years of experience in coaching, training design and facilitation, Amanda specialises in helping individuals and teams develop the skills to work more effectively together. As both a trained mentor coach and coach supervisor, she supports coaches in their own professional development whilst helping organisations create more inclusive, psychologically safe environments where different perspectives are valued and heard.
References
Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behaviour in work teams.
Rozovsky, J. (2015). The five keys to a successful Google team. Google re: Work blog.
Rogers, C. R. (1975). Empathic: An unappreciated way of being. The Counselling Psychologist, 5(2), 2-10.