The Impact of Questions, Body Language, and Words
When I reflect on the heart of coaching, supervision, and indeed leadership, I keep returning to the subtleties of how we interact with the people we support. In my own practice, and in the work I do with leaders, I see daily evidence that the questions we ask, the posture we hold, and the language we choose, consciously or otherwise, shapes the tone of a conversation and, often, the quality of thinking that becomes possible within it.
I have spent much of my career working with what I call "thinkers" and "thinking partners." This language is intentional, and it comes from my training with Nancy Kline and Linda Aspey. It recognises the agency of those we work with and reminds us that our role is not to direct or steer, rather, to accompany. Yet even with the best of intentions, our presence as leaders, coaches, or coach supervisors can inadvertently narrow what is possible in a conversation. I notice this most clearly in three areas: through the questions we ask, the body language we bring, and the words we use.
Questions as invitations, or closures
I am fascinated by the art of the question. In coaching, the difference between an open, curious question and a solution-laden prompt is not merely stylistic. It is structural; it shapes what is thinkable. A question such as "What do you really want to achieve?" can be helpful, and when delivered with a slight tilt of the head or an upward inflection, it may carry an unspoken assumption that the thinker is not yet clear, or worse, that we have already spotted what they have missed.
I, at times, invite coaches in supervision to replay moments from their own sessions and listen closely to their questions. What assumptions are embedded in the language? What is the rhythm of the delivery? When we ask, "Have you thought about…?" or "Why don't you try…?" we may inadvertently steer the thinker towards our own preferred territory, closing off avenues that might otherwise have been explored.
There is a reason the ICF places such emphasis on "evoking awareness" rather than "directing awareness." The difference is not cosmetic. Inviting a person to look through a window is a different act entirely from pointing out what we have already decided they should see.
Body language: the ‘silent’ conversation
Body language is a language of its own, and personally, is often spoken more loudly than words. In my own practice, I am acutely aware of how posture, eye contact, and the subtle shifts of attention can either expand or contract the space for independent, generative, thinking. A facilitator or supervisor who leans in too eagerly may transmit pressure, even if their words are neutral. A leader who glances at their watch during a pause may communicate impatience, even when using the words, "Take your time." It feels incongruent, and the thinker/staff member notices.
I remember my own discomfort as a learner in group classes, when a ‘teacher's’ raised eyebrow or furrowed brow left me second-guessing my contributions. I return to that memory often in my day-to-day work. Our bodies are always in conversation, whether we intend them to be or not. When we are genuinely interested in another's thinking practise noticing our own embodied responses, taking care not to signal approval, disapproval, or impatience when our words say something else entirely, can make such a difference
Words carry weight
The words we choose matter, whether consciously or not. Metaphors, turns of phrase, and even silences contribute to the climate of a conversation. Wittgenstein wrote that "the limits of my language mean the limits of my world," and I have come to see this not as an abstract philosophical claim but as a practical reality when in conversation with others, and indeed with myself (yep, I admit, I talk to myself). I realise that when we use language that is too narrow, too prescriptive, or too loaded with our own frameworks, we risk constraining the other's imagination.
In supervision, I sometimes invite coaches to attend to the metaphors their thinkers use, and to notice when their own language might be crowding out alternative ways of seeing. This is not about policing word choices. It is about developing a sensitivity to how language both reveals and shapes thought.
The relationship between inner and outer
All of this rests on a simple, if demanding, truth: who we are being as coaches, supervisors, or leaders matters as much (I would argue more importantly) as what we are doing. Our own values, assumptions, and blind spots leak into our questions, our gestures, and our words. This is why supervision and ongoing reflection are essential to good practice. In my own supervision, I am regularly confronted with the ways my own thinking patterns shape my presence with others. This is not a failing; it is a fact of being human.
For those of us working in coaching, supervision, or leadership, the invitation is to hold a posture of curiosity towards ourselves as much as towards others. Genuine wonder is not a technique; it is a stance. It means asking questions not to confirm what we already believe, but to discover what we do not yet know. It means noticing the silent signals we send and attending to the language we use with care.
If there is a single practice I would commend to coaches, supervisors, and leaders, it is to pause regularly and ask: what is happening in this conversation, beneath the words? How might my questions, my body, and my language be shaping the other's thinking? What am I bringing, consciously or unconsciously, that may be helping or hindering this person's ability to think for themselves?
This is not a call to perfection. It is a call to awareness. The work of supporting others to think is complex and ever-changing, and the most skilled practitioners are those who remain open to the possibility that their own presence is always shaping the conversation. With a little more awareness, we can create just enough space for new thinking to emerge.
About Amanda
Amanda Livermore is the founder of LORE Consultancy Ltd and a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF). With over 20 years of experience in coaching, coach training, training design, and facilitation, she works with individuals, leaders, and coaches at different stages of their development. As a trained mentor coach for both the ICF and the EMCC and ICF Approved Coaching Supervisor, she supports coaches in their own professional growth and works with organisations to create conditions where people can think well, work honestly with one another, and bring more of themselves to what they do.